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Future relationships are "Agile"
Story of how disappointment in the pop-culture romance pushed us into the arms of Agile relationships.
Here’s a question
Would the time spent happily together increase if we’d start approaching relationships with an entrepreneurial mindset, instead of following the romantic footsteps of Romeo & Juliet?
Sure, romance sounds nice and who hasn’t dreamt of a crazy airport run into the arms of your loved one, right? Soulmates, meeting that “right” person, love at first sight, chasing the winds of a Sunday easy-breezy kind of love – Hollywood has done a pretty good job with portraying us how a relationship should look like.
Still, that Romeo and Juliet dopamine high will result in a massive crash of disappointment fairly quickly.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the intense feelings of fluttery excitement, attraction and euphoria of newly begun romance, but this rollercoaster of emotions will calm within one or two years after the levels of different love hormones return back to normal. It’s no no wonder that about 70% of couples break up within the first year , right?
These statistics and the naïve on-screen approach to romance was a catalyst to find more efficient and rational ways to make a relationship work. So, an analogy between businesses and relationships was born.
What if we thought about relationships the same way we think about businesses?
When starting a business, founders have a plan. They know from the beginning that it takes work to be successful. There are no illusions about magical growth or carefree problem-solving. Instead, they are equipped with a mindset for success and are ready to invest their time and effort into what they do.
With love, it’s easy and comfortable to assume that everything gets done “automagically”. I’ll always love you. We’ll be together forever. The reality is that one morning you will wake up, look at the person next to you and start wondering where did all the love go.
If we want our relationships to last longer than 1-2 years, we need to be aware of our actions and choices. We need to have a plan and constantly invest our time and effort. Just like a business, love needs work.
Now, if you’re willing to give it your all but don’t know where to start, we've got you covered.
Start with awareness
You’re two entrepreneurs in an interdependent relationship.
High-performance teams are the driving force behind every noteworthy business. However, merely installing a team structure does not result in effective teamwork on its own. Cooperation, open communication, supportiveness and creating an inspiring environment is what gets sh*t done.
Lay the foundation. Business without a vision and concrete plan is like trying to navigate through a pitch-black room without stumbling upon something.
Define a vision for your relationship. A vision is something characteristic to your relationship and can be anything from “becoming a couple known for their curiosity and love for travel” or “building a strong, loving union, where each member is reminded that failures are learning points”. Define who you want to become. If you outgrow one vision, create another one.
Write a simple ruleset to support your vision. Have some guidelines for handling A, B and C. What’s your strategy for surviving a long road trip together or how are you going to solve something so trivial as household chores? Mark it down, it will become handy.
Check in to see the progress. You have a vision, you have your plan set. Now you just need to make sure you’re headed in the right direction and don’t get lost mid-way. For that, retrospect. Take the time to openly reflect back on your progress, wins and setbacks – they’re all part of your learning curve. Action points help with future growth.
To sum up
A Romeo and Juliet style romance feels good but is momentary and not scalable for long-term relationships. Treating a relationship like a co-created business may sound unromantic and even weird but has the winning attitude for making it work. Bedrock model is a tool for modern couples to make sure that "I'll be with you forever" is much more likely to happen because successful businesses don’t happen overnight and like it or not, the same goes for long-lasting love. To stay together, we need to work together.
So without further ado, let’s get this puppy rolling!
Start with Retros
Learn more on the background of retrospectives, how to fit them in the relationship context and how to build the habit of regular retrospective meetings in your relationship